Matthew McConaughey

What you are about to read is the most compelling argument for re-instating the death penalty you'll ever read.

This Texan twat is responsible for numerous cinematic abominations, none more so than Failure To Launch. I had the unpleasant experience of watching this film whilst on a flight to America a couple of years back, I had never seen any of his movies before so I'd set my expectations quite low so that I could be pleasantly suprised. I didn't set them low enough apparently. This was a car crash of a film, (co-starring Sarah Jessica Parker) that shocked me to the core.

The plot for one thing was absurd it reads like this " 35 year-old Tripp has a job, a passion for sailing, and a great house - trouble is, he lives with his parents. They want him out, so they hire Paula, an "interventionist," who has a formula in these cases. It's worked up to now, but this gets complicated when Tripp thinks she's getting too serious and one of his pals is attracted to Paula's deadpan, semi-alcoholic roommate, who's plagued by a mockingbird. Too many secrets may scrub the launch, and what if Paula really likes him? Who can intervene then?"

Here's a spoiler for you. He moves in with Paula. I've just saved you 90 minutes of contemplating suicide, thank me later.

McConaughey was voted sexiest man in the world by the residents of a mental institution I recall, and helpfully, he has detailed a simple 3 step plan which anyone can implement to achieve this status, "Love your mother, watch Sex and the City and get a dog".

Fuck you McConaughey. Fuck your philosophy. Fuck your movies.