LaBeouf has established himself as THE hot young actor of the moment in recent years, with films like 'Transformers' and 'Indiana Jones'. He gets paid shed-loads of money and he's only 23. And this all stemmed from his humble beginnings on shows like 'Even Stevens'. Which was shit.
I can give you three interesting facts about him.
1. He has his own record label.
2. He celebrates Christmas.... and Hanukkah.
3. He has a ridiculous name.
What can we take away from these three facts? We can establish that he has enough money and ambition to set up a business venture. I'm not aware of any acts that are signed to his label, but I have a feeling that they won't be big names, seeing as he has no fucking idea about anything, never mind managing talent.
We can see that he is a greedy shit when it comes to religious festivals. This is a man who decided one day that he would have his cake and eat it too, you can bet he would celebrate Diwali and Ramadan as well, but he thinks there are no other religions.
And we can see that his name is ridiculous.
For these reasons, which I believe are scientific and entirely relevant. I am proposing a mass boycotting of any movies he may appear in for the rest of his career. What's truly terrifying is that he's only 23, we've got decades of this shit still to go.
Monday, 29 June 2009
Wednesday, 24 June 2009
Matthew McConaughey
What you are about to read is the most compelling argument for re-instating the death penalty you'll ever read.
This Texan twat is responsible for numerous cinematic abominations, none more so than Failure To Launch. I had the unpleasant experience of watching this film whilst on a flight to America a couple of years back, I had never seen any of his movies before so I'd set my expectations quite low so that I could be pleasantly suprised. I didn't set them low enough apparently. This was a car crash of a film, (co-starring Sarah Jessica Parker) that shocked me to the core.
The plot for one thing was absurd it reads like this " 35 year-old Tripp has a job, a passion for sailing, and a great house - trouble is, he lives with his parents. They want him out, so they hire Paula, an "interventionist," who has a formula in these cases. It's worked up to now, but this gets complicated when Tripp thinks she's getting too serious and one of his pals is attracted to Paula's deadpan, semi-alcoholic roommate, who's plagued by a mockingbird. Too many secrets may scrub the launch, and what if Paula really likes him? Who can intervene then?"
Here's a spoiler for you. He moves in with Paula. I've just saved you 90 minutes of contemplating suicide, thank me later.
McConaughey was voted sexiest man in the world by the residents of a mental institution I recall, and helpfully, he has detailed a simple 3 step plan which anyone can implement to achieve this status, "Love your mother, watch Sex and the City and get a dog".
Fuck you McConaughey. Fuck your philosophy. Fuck your movies.
This Texan twat is responsible for numerous cinematic abominations, none more so than Failure To Launch. I had the unpleasant experience of watching this film whilst on a flight to America a couple of years back, I had never seen any of his movies before so I'd set my expectations quite low so that I could be pleasantly suprised. I didn't set them low enough apparently. This was a car crash of a film, (co-starring Sarah Jessica Parker) that shocked me to the core.
The plot for one thing was absurd it reads like this " 35 year-old Tripp has a job, a passion for sailing, and a great house - trouble is, he lives with his parents. They want him out, so they hire Paula, an "interventionist," who has a formula in these cases. It's worked up to now, but this gets complicated when Tripp thinks she's getting too serious and one of his pals is attracted to Paula's deadpan, semi-alcoholic roommate, who's plagued by a mockingbird. Too many secrets may scrub the launch, and what if Paula really likes him? Who can intervene then?"
Here's a spoiler for you. He moves in with Paula. I've just saved you 90 minutes of contemplating suicide, thank me later.
McConaughey was voted sexiest man in the world by the residents of a mental institution I recall, and helpfully, he has detailed a simple 3 step plan which anyone can implement to achieve this status, "Love your mother, watch Sex and the City and get a dog".
Fuck you McConaughey. Fuck your philosophy. Fuck your movies.
Monday, 22 June 2009
Beth Ditto
Lets make this clear from the off, the major problem I have isn't with her music (although it is some of the most tumescent crap I've had the misfortune of experiencing), it's with her. Her attitude, the way she speaks about her sexuality and weight. The manner in which she has became a role model for the youngsters of today.
In a recent interview with The Times she talked about the new range of clothes she has designed for Evans, "I wanted to do a lot of things you’re always told not to wear if you’re big". This is fine, I can understand why she would want to do this, however, when asked why she chose Evans she replied with this, "You know, I’m a dyke — a crunchy dyke at that — so I had to weigh up whether I wanted to do something so corporate”. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I thought that use of the word 'dyke' was frowned upon these days, and what the fuck is a 'crunchy dyke' anyway? Does anyone know the meaning of this bizarre description?
The aspect of Beth Ditto that confuses and angers me most is the way she refers to fat people as if she isn't one. Here's some examples, “Some fat girl blogger was saying, ‘It’s cool that all these famous designers are making clothes for her, but they’re not going to make them for everyone.’ And the truth is, yes, they’re not going to make them for everyone. They make only a few pieces just to fit me,”, "Fat people should certainly not do cocaine" and “but they [her bosses at Evans] don’t like it when I say fat women. So what am I supposed to say? Hefty hideaways? They’re fat, goddammit.”
It seems as if Beth Ditto hasn't realised that size 28 is rather large, perhaps she sees herself in the same weight bracket as Kate Moss or Bobby Sands. Either way she has a strange perception of her level of health, saying that she doesn't want to die at 38 as a result of drug abuse. She won't, it'll be a clogged artery or a Big Mac lodged in her throat. This is a hero for millions of people?
I think they might be more deluded than her.
In a recent interview with The Times she talked about the new range of clothes she has designed for Evans, "I wanted to do a lot of things you’re always told not to wear if you’re big". This is fine, I can understand why she would want to do this, however, when asked why she chose Evans she replied with this, "You know, I’m a dyke — a crunchy dyke at that — so I had to weigh up whether I wanted to do something so corporate”. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I thought that use of the word 'dyke' was frowned upon these days, and what the fuck is a 'crunchy dyke' anyway? Does anyone know the meaning of this bizarre description?
The aspect of Beth Ditto that confuses and angers me most is the way she refers to fat people as if she isn't one. Here's some examples, “Some fat girl blogger was saying, ‘It’s cool that all these famous designers are making clothes for her, but they’re not going to make them for everyone.’ And the truth is, yes, they’re not going to make them for everyone. They make only a few pieces just to fit me,”, "Fat people should certainly not do cocaine" and “but they [her bosses at Evans] don’t like it when I say fat women. So what am I supposed to say? Hefty hideaways? They’re fat, goddammit.”
It seems as if Beth Ditto hasn't realised that size 28 is rather large, perhaps she sees herself in the same weight bracket as Kate Moss or Bobby Sands. Either way she has a strange perception of her level of health, saying that she doesn't want to die at 38 as a result of drug abuse. She won't, it'll be a clogged artery or a Big Mac lodged in her throat. This is a hero for millions of people?
I think they might be more deluded than her.
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